An Intersectional LGBTQ Feminist Blog with a Radical Preoccupation Genderfy/Genderfly/Genderwhy?
Reblogged from so-so-gender-fly :
Women: when what you really mean is cis women
Women: when what you really mean is white women
Women: when what you really mean is heteronormative women
Women: when what you really mean is middle-class women
Women: when what you really mean is Westernized women
Women: when what you really mean is a super specific kind of woman that does not, cannot represent the vast ways in which women exist
Reblogging cause this is kinda important
Reblogged from thelesbianguide :
Asked by Anonymous:
I was wondering if you could help me out. I think I'm bisexual but I'm wondering if I'm just a lesbian too. I'm confused because I find guys attractive but penis totally freaks me out like I want nothing to do with it, doesn't turn me on at all. And I definitely like girls and vagina. I have a girlfriend currently and I have had 4 boyfriends but only one of those did we actually act like a couple and do anything sexual. The other 3 I didn't even hold their hand so idk it's confusing me, help?
Hey anon - great question!
How a person identifies is 100% up to them. Having some romantic or physical attractions to people who identify as men and women could mean you may want to identify as bisexual. Only ever wanting to engage in sex and relationships with women could also mean you could identify as a lesbian. The beauty of sexuality is that it is up to you to communicate to others. No one can tell you who you like or what you are. Try to separate who a person is with from how a person identifies. Although a person may have dated men that does not mean they have to identify as bisexual. Find a label that fits most comfortably for you. Think about how it describes your feelings, what you want to communicate to others when sharing this label, and how you want to present yourself in the world.
I know someone who has attractions to men but has decided she will never engage in a relationship or sex with a man again. For political reasons, and to show greater visibility in her small community, she chooses to identify as a lesbian. If you are open to relationships or sexual encounters with men and women then maybe bisexual could be a good fit. Being open to something does not mean you have to then go do it. Another really cool label people have started using is “pansexual” - someone who is attracted to others on an individual basis. This would do less with sex and gender and more to do with that level of attraction.
Lastly, know there is no need to label yourself at all. Get to know yourself, your desires, and as you age note that these may change. If you are attracted to all kinds of people, great! If you find yourself starting to find only women attractive, great! Labels help describe feelings but you already know how you feel.
BLEEEH. This anon question is transphobic and transmisogynistic as fuck. Since the moderator who answered it failed to point that out in their response, (*clears throat*) allow me:
a genderqueer dyke
Reblogged from so-so-gender-fly :
If you ever find yourself under the impression that pronoun choices don’t matter…that misgendering is simply a matter of an individual being “overly sensitive” (whatever that actually means)…then change yours tomorrow. If they truly are unimportant you should have no trouble hearing yourself referred to as something you don’t identify as.
One month later, and guess what….THEY STILL MATTER!
First thing first: I HATE THIS BLOG POST.
Now that that is out of the way, I’ll explain why….
1. She is speaking over a community she doesn’t understand.
The first piece of evidence is in her us of the word “cisgendered.” I automatically can’t take her seriously. I do my best not to spend too much time in my academic ivory tower, and I do feel a tinge of pretension at having to call this linguistic issue out…but, in the same breath, I’m not sure it is too much to ask that a person be well-read on a subject matter that they are taking such a stark stand against. (Also, she drops a “genderqueers” in there and that is a big No No.) All that aside, the author of this post makes it painfully clear that she does not have a good understanding of nonbinary/genderqueer identities and how these terms operate for the people who use them when she repeatedly conflates masculinity/femininity and gender roles/stereotypes with the use of these identifiers. There are AFAB people who identify as both masculine and female. There are AFAB people who identify as NB/GQ and masculine. There are also plenty of AFAB people who identify as NB/GQ and feminine. Or a mix of both. Or neither. It is far too simplistic to infer that masculine women just stop being women because they are also masculine. Actually, it doesn’t even make sense. Also, there are plenty of AMAB people who are male and effeminate and then those who identify as trans feminine. NB/GQ identities have nothing to do with stereotypes surrounding masculinity and femininity. Or gender roles. When a cis woman to declares that her favorite hobby is weightlifting, she doesn’t know how to cook, and she has no desire to carry a child she is not forced out of her cisness or her relationship with womanhood. She is merely breaking some silly stereotypes constructed around what it means to be a “good” woman. However, if she wakes up one day and says to herself, “Self…I’m not convinced the gender binary is for me anymore,” well, then….WELCOME TO THE CLUB! I would also like to note that this in no way precludes this person from identifying with womanhood (**cough cough** like me **cough cough**). There are a lot of challenges facing cis women and even more facing trans women. Finding yourself more comfortable with a NB/GQ doesn’t mean you have to remove yourself from a sisterhood if you still find that it speaks for you. I also find that this line of thinking only furthers gender policing in all of its many forms….which in this case just calls to mind the cis gatekeeping of the trans community. The worst part of her argument are the essentialist terms she uses to defend her evidence. It’s toxic to rely on these ideas and only skews your own perception of people around you. She simultaneously claims that essential “woman” stereotypes don’t fit her, while suggesting that masculine women are going to be gay. STOP ASSERTING THAT THERE IS ANY RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO BE ANY ONE THING. STOP IT.
2. She is waiting for someone else to do the hard part.
"Perhaps one day the gender binary will be dismantled totally, and we’ll all stop limiting our children by bringing them up as either males or females."
Yup. Yeah. This is great. Want to know how we can get started on that? Stop writing essentialist bullshit blog posts about how you are ACTIVELY REJECTING A NONBINARY IDENTITY. If you truly believe in a future without the gender binary…you should maybe not talk to people about how important you think it it is. Maybe…just maybe….if nonbinary and genderqueer children had, I dunno…nonbinary and genderqueer people to look up to they could grow up with less depression and more self esteem. Maybe they could rip apart the binary for you. But, no…let’s spend more time focusing on the cisgender experience. Here is this wacky notion I have…cisgender kids could maybe find themselves looking up to trans people? Yeah? Yeah. They definitely could. What is this separate but equal role model nonsense?
3. She is perpetuating the myth that trans/nb/gq visibility can be reduced to a “trend.”
Trans and nonbinary identities are nothing if not ancient. Anytime I hear a person (accidentally, or otherwise) glorify the gender binary, my first thought is, “You’re a racist with a limited understanding of Western white supremacy.” Nonbinary identities are not new. Allow me to reiterate: NONBINARY IDENTITIES ARE NOT NEW. The relationship we (white people, as I am white), in 2014 living in the USA, have with gender is not indicative of what gender looked like prior to our arrival here. The binary is not what gender looked like in the nations of the people we enslaved, either. Transgender and nonbinary people have always been and will always be. Please don’t claim that you are “square” for choosing not to co opt something you have no intention of respecting. Please don’t encourage cis people to view trans identities as a trendy phase that has an end. Please don’t invalidate people’s lives.
I have to admit that I have walked this line myself. When I first started to look inward and realize the possibility that there was more to my relationship with my gender than the binary could offer me, I struggled a lot. I would ask myself, “What’s so wrong with being both masculine and female?” or “Am I turning my back on my female community?” I’m not mad at myself for asking these questions. It was a part of my process. And asking myself these questions helped me learn that genderqueer and womanhood don’t have to be mutually exclusive. As masculine as I am, I am interpreted as a cis female when I leave the house. That’s a part of my experience that I can not remove myself from. It is my reality and discussing it/fighting against it/identifying with it does not make me any less genderqueer. In fact, it gives me insight into two lived experiences at once. That duality can be confusing and stressful, but it can also be incredibly enlightening and, I feel, makes for a complex and richly lived life.
As someone who is both AFAB and uses the term “lesbian”, I see a problem with others in my communities and the way we approach NB/GQ people. Let’s stop treating AFAB people outside of the binary like traitors. AFAB people notoriously take up too much space within trans/NB/GQ spaces. Our visibility is more accessible and our blatant discrimination less vicious than our trans sisters. I urge us within the community and cis women alike to appreciate that privilege (and to also push back against it, but that’s another blog post). I say appreciate, because with the safety afforded us we should not be shaming the people in our community against coming out. Ever notice that these sentiments are only ever coming from cis women? Cis men don’t typically feel betrayed by trans women or trans feminine people. And they aren’t known for being the first people to rally around them and offer them support. Perhaps some of the energy being spent on shaming or discouraging or invalidating AFAB nonbinary/genderqueer people could be redirected into support and visibility and safe places for trans women and trans feminine people.
If a nonbinary/genderqueer identity is not for you…that’s cool. No one wants you to use words for yourself that you don’t find helpful. What this boils down to is: there is no good to be done by going out of your way to defend your cis-ness. I suggest you recognize the privilege you have by not having to live with the added pressure that can come with a non-cis identity. I especially suggest that you, in turn, offer more support to the trans/nonbinary/genderqueer people around you.
Reblogged from newwavefeminism :
Asked by Anonymous:
I am a straight, white, male. Every sexual experience I've ever had with an girl has been completely consensual. I've even stopped messing around one time when she said she wasn't comfortable; we just cuddled the rest of the night. But I make rape jokes, because I believe that laughter is extremely powerful and by making (tasteful) jokes about rape, you only help the issue. What is your opinion on me as a whole? And before you say I "don't understand" what rape is like I was raped when I was 7.
I wasn’t going to say that, I was going to say you went out of your way to come up with bullshit reasons as to why you think you deserve an award and shouldn’t be criticized for making rape jokes.
(I love dude bros who think rape jokes aren’t a big deal, but are way too sensitive to handle being criticized for it)
Whoah, whoah, WHOAH! Did lil’ buddy just say “tasteful jokes about rape.” Like…hmm…wait, wut?! No thank you, sir. You have just been excused from the conversation.
Reblogged from chalriepace :
nah man life doesn’t get better when you educate yourself about feminism. life gets considerably harder. bc all of a sudden you pick up on all of these problematic things people you care about say and you start noticing every little way women are degraded and held down in society and you become hyperaware of how you speak and what you say and it’s really, really difficult and tiresome.
Reblogged from misandry-mermaid :
Asked by stronglikeatitan:
hi I was just wondering what 'queerbaiting' meant? because I've seen it used a bit around this website but never with any context. Sorry if that's awfully ignorant of me.
I actually don’t know either. Followers? My apologies if this is considered a slur or word I shouldn’t be promoting on my blog, I’m totally unaware of it’s meaning and how it can be used so any followers willing to chime in, please do.
Typically it is used in reference to media that suggests it will include LGBTQ representation, but ultimately doesn’t. Like, if a show has two lead females that perpetually seem to have more than a friendship, but only ever date men throughout the series. Lesbian/bi/queer girls might continue to watch the show solely in hopes of seeing a relationship blossom in popular culture that looks like them, but if it never happens they are being “queerbaited” into watching the program. It’s a tactic used to broaden a show’s audience without having to run the risk of challenging the dominant heteronormative image typically provided in media.
Reblogged from newwavefeminism :
Asked by Anonymous:
I'm a cis white male and I recently had sex with a man, do I get to stop checking my privilege now?
I ACTUALLY can’t tell if this is a joke or a troll. I’m leaning towards the former, but… you just never know on this site…
The answer is: No. You are still a white, cis male. Having a queer identity does not absolve a person from participating in and benefiting from unfair power structures. Having any marginalized identity does not wipe the slate clean. This isn’t the oppression Olympics. Women (straight, gay, bi, etc) oppress other women, trans people oppress other trans people, and people of color are capable of oppressing other people of color. What kind of a question is this? I agree that this is probably an attempt at trolling….but it is so misguided that I felt it warranted a response. If it was meant as a joke…well, it isn’t very funny.
Reblogged from misandry-mermaid :
Reblogged from glitterofrevolt :
It’s 2014 and people still don’t realize that you can’t...
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